Night

As I sit here listening to my roommate with her friends in our living room I can't help but wonder to myself how it seems like I've never met another person my age who is not a night person. For most people my age being able to stay up late is a privilege. Quite a few would even prefer to stay up all night and sleep during the day. I feel like it's so rare to love going to bed early that I've turned that into my fact that I say when I'm told to tell others one interesting thing about me.

I've never liked the night. I've never liked staying up late even in Junior High and High School and even now in my early twenties.. I don't understand why it's so appealing.  I may not understand why others like it but I am starting to understand why I don't.

My hatred of night begins earlier then I can remember.  It was one of my earliest fears that I can remember and the earliest instance of my anxiety that I can remember.  I remember being at my Grandma's house and leaving with my parents.  It was dark out and as we walked into the cold night a feeling of absolute dread coming over me.

Fear and night for me have always gone hand in hand.  For years I could not go to bed or go to sleep without feeling dread.  Fears that I would die in the middle of the night, fears of loosing my family, fears that I wasn't accomplishing anything, fears of the future.  These fears that stayed out of the way during the day would creep in with the shadows.  Even still sometimes I can't get to sleep until I'm so tired that I can't feel scared any longer.

I think there's more than just fear when it comes to hating the night for one thing I love to sleep.  One of the reasons I don't understand the appeal of wanting to stay up late is I don't understand not wanting to get as much sleep as you can.  Why would you not want to do the activity that is the most comfortable and most refreshing?

Although as I think about it I think these people like sleeping but they like sleeping during the most wonderful hours of the day which is the day.  They enjoy missing the quiet peace of the morning by sleeping in or the wonderful friendliness of the afternoon by taking naps.  They miss out on the sun and the warmth and the light that it brings and exchange it for the dark and cold that comes from the night.

I don't think I'll ever understand these people.  I just wish that I could find another person who understands me and feels the same way I do.